Posts Tagged ‘Fuck You it’s Satire’

GIRAFFE CLAIMS THIRD VICTIM AT GLOBAL WILDLIFE

Friday, March 5th, 2010

The following story comes from Louisiana, as I have family in Louisiana, it is my duty to propagate this story, despite Global Wildlife Corporation’s attempts to cover it up!

February 25, 2010

UNEEDUS, Louisiana – Veteran wildlife guide Dizzy Dimarco was encouraging visitors to hand feed giraffes when one of the 16ft-high animals reached down and grabbed her by the head.

Passengers in Global Wildlife’s viewing wagons watched horror struck as the animal repeatedly shook Dimarco before hurling her body into the upper limbs of a nearby tree.

Artist's Rendering

Dimarco’s interaction with the animal had seemed friendly and encouraging to visitor Debbie Guidry of Lafouche Parish, “but then the giraffe just went crazy. Stamping and snorting, it clamped a hold to the guide’s head and just got to shaking her, ” Guidry told HAN.

The wagons quickly returned to the visitor center and mounted giraffe wranglers were sent to the scene. Dimarco was pronounced dead upon arrival at Lallie Kemp Hospital, then again at North Oaks after relatives demanded a second opinion.

Staff have been unable to identify which of the 12 giraffes was responsible for the attack, echoing a similar failure to locate the guilty animal in the two previous giraffe-related fatalities at the center.

In 2001 and 2004 guides working alone in the park failed to return and were later found dead in tree tops. Park officials hope to now identify the guilty giraffe with the help of technicians from Bedico CSI, who will be taking DNA samples from the animals in the coming weeks.

A spokesperson for Global Wildlife told HAN, ‘What we have here is what we call a ‘rouge giraffe’ situation. It’s rare, but it happens. After an incident, the animals all herd up together and it’s hard to tell which is which. Now with the help of the CSI unit we can name the guilty critter.”

Guidry’s camcorder evidence from the attack can be seen in an upcoming FPTV Channel 17 special. WHEN GOOD GIRAFFES GO BAD will premier March 12 at 10pm after re-runs of the 2001 spectacular BILL HOOD CATCHES MORE FISH.